Six Tell-tale Signs that a Chinese Medical Practice is a Whore House

Some of you may already know that I struggled with my back and neck in the last 10 days or so. It all started after I decided to go for a run on a beautiful Saturday morning. 20 minutes of running, then a bit of stretching and a few hours later I was crying from pain. It seemed like it all came out of the blue.

I still haven't been at the doctors, but I think it's a muscular pain as I don't have any spine nor back problems running in my family.

Signs for traditional Eastern medical practice

After spending the whole Saturday in pain, Sunday was still pretty bad, but on Monday the pain subsided and my neck and back seemed to slowly keep on getting better. I didn't go to the doctors. You probably know about the horrible medical practice that I am registered with. I am determined not to go there ever again, but I still haven't signed up with any new one.

A few days ago, which was again on Saturday, a week after my first outburst of pain, my neck and back started to hurt badly again. I was in tears and I needed help urgently. The doctors are closed, A&E should probably be left for more urgent cases, so the only thing that came to my mind was a little Chinese medical centre on the high street. There are a few of them.

I rang the doorbell of a tiny Chinese medical practice. A nice English woman opened the door for me and signed me up for an acupuncture session on Monday morning. Great, but I am in pain. I want the acupuncture now or at least today or tomorrow, not on Monday! So, I am going to the other Eastern medicine centre which is also not too far away.

Six tell-tale signs that a little Chinese Medical Practice is a whore house

1. I get in to the second Chinese medical practice and I say that I want acupuncture as I am in pain. The Chinese receptionist looks totally perplexed. She asks if I want some massage and looks totally confused when I say that I have a back pain and I want acupuncture. She offers me some massage, but she is not convincing and seems to have no idea about the fact that acupuncture can treat pain, so the girl whose English is quite limited rings her boss and talks to her in Chinese. Then she says that she can book a doctor for the next day. Asks for a deposit.
2. Slowly I start noticing all the details. I see a hand-written sign that 'Viagra is available for sale here'.
3. The next sign tells something like that: 'Please don't use the back door as CCTV has been installed there'.
4. The menu does not consist of illnesses and problems that doctors normally help in solving, but it is a price list for a four-hands massage and equivalent things. Forget acupuncture even though 'Acupuncture' is written on the window and is clearly advertised from the outside.
5. Another lady, a middle-aged Chinese woman who is obviously part of the staff, is wondering around having nothing to do, but she is not able to perform acupuncture nor treat my back pain in the usual way typical to traditional eastern medical practice. She wears make-up and obviously thinks she looks sexy.
6. The opening hours of the place are 9am-9pm seven days a week, but there is no doctor.

How to know if it's a 'real' Chinese medical practice?

Well, you can't know, unless you have a recommendation from a friend or you read reviews on the web. From the outside both practices look the same. If anyone asked me to guess which one was the whore house I would have probably picked the first one due to the confusing signs that I mention below.

The confusing signs

• The real doctors medical practice is tiny with the reception area of a toilet size, so the Chinese whore house looks more like the 'real' place.
• There is a bell on the real medical practice door, but there is no bell on the whore house door. I would expect the dodgy practice to have a door bell.

Final word

I have already been at the 'real' Chinese medicine centre and I am very pleased with the results so far, so I will talk about my acupuncture experience in the next blog post.

Have you had similar experience? Have you ever used traditional Eastern medicine to treat any of your illnesses or problems?